The Story of Nori and Miriam's Song

For the past two days I have been home with Nori because she has been sick. And by being home, I been being in the house all day. By being sick, I mean she doesn't want to be put down for more than 30 seconds. These two things have given me flashbacks to how I felt in the newborn days, only now with a different -didn't just pop a baby out- perspective.
Being a Mom is hard work. That is my- not new- but continued realization. Personally, it is hard for me to be home all day with her. I feel like I go in circles of cleaning, caring for Nori, caring for myself, answering phone calls. etc I don't like how there are not clear boundaries of work and rest, nor a clear sense of accomplishment. There is always something else to be done. I am learning to take moments of rest and to enjoy Nori. A few weeks ago when I was home with her it dawned on me that being a mom is the most challenging role I have. I be a decent wife and a good PA with relative ease. I like exercising, pushing myself physically, disciplining myself in prayer. I am pretty good friend to others. BUT, motherhood? Weekly, I am brought to my knees. I think I expect my time at home with her to be the easy part of my week, but just this realization of the magnitude of the job helps me.
But it is also truly bonding. For example, two days ago I had no problem going out in the evening while she was asleep, even though she was sick. Tonight, after being with her non stop for two days, I canceled my evening plans, unable to think of being away from her if not needed.
I had another flashback today to the newborn days. At one point she was crying so much I started crying with her. The most difficult and powerless part of being a mom is not knowing what is hurting her and not being able to make it better.
Yesterday, when she was super sick. I went into crazy busy mode when she was sleeping. I started canning, painting the bathroom and cleaning out my closet?!
I think that my instinct when I feel out of control is to focus on what I can control. That, as well as avoiding focusing on what scares me.
The other question that I have been asking this week that I also asked in the newborn days- do I give her what others can't (besides breastmilk)? I was told this week by others that when she is sick "she needs me." We truly believe in equal parenting and also in others' roles in her life. But there is a nurturing between us that is both wonderful and overwhelming.
I love her more and more. Especially in the sleepless nights lately, using every cell in my body to attempt to comfort and care for her. I feel myself in each of this new levels of commitment growing as a mom.

I am so grateful for what how she is changing me, breaking me, and making me her mother.

I am 8!! months old and feeling great! You haven't heard from me in 2 months because I have been just too busy to write. I am very happy to tell you about my new Nanny!! It is so much fun going to my new friend Jonah's house. AND (Thank God) Mommy has stopped worrying so much. At first I thought they were saying Nana was going to watch me, but then I realized this woman wasn't Nana, she has an island accent 'cause she's from the Carribbean! (I wish Nana was from the Carribbean then I could go visit her.)
Wish brings me to my next point- I LOVE the water. I have only been swimming twice, but it was so fun and I kicked just like in the bathtub. We are leaving tomorrow, on my 8 month b-day, to go to the beach for the WHOLE week. I am super jazzed and figure by the time I get back I will be a little fish. Mama says there is a pool and the ocean there! I saw the ocean again last week and tried to do an interview but despite my talking really loud, it just seemed to say the same thing over and over- "sleep, sleep. . ." It makes the same noise as my sound machine that plays waves in my bedroom at night and tells me to go nighty night.
I really REALLY love talking. I can make all sorts of noises and can communicate what I want and think already. When something is loud and new I get loud back and try to figure it out. When something surprises me I can go "huuuuh?" When I am playing, I can make role play noises for all my animals. When I am tired, I draw out my moans like "blah blah blah, someone put me to bed."
I recently learned to "cluck" with my tongue. Bella especially likes this one. And when I get mad, whew!- you don't want to be around. I open a can of good ole whoop ass. But despite my broad language and musical skills, my favorite noise is still laughing. And trust me, with these two (Boobs and Small Eyes), there is lots to laugh about. My favorite game is hide and go seek with the towel. I just learned how to cover and uncover my face. This makes me laugh so much sometimes I can't stop.
Mom and Dad are also starting to do sign language with me. They talk really slow and loud and then do the sign with the word as though I am deaf instead of just a baby. But I am learning and think they will like it when I start to sign back in baby sign language.
With all this talking and playing, I have still found time to develop my movement. Mommy says that I am a typical girl cause I am more advanced in my talking than moving. But this past week I decided to master the "scootch." They are saying it is not crawling, but it is my own patented move. I tuck one leg in, indian (native american) style, and then use my hands and the other leg to get around. Then when I am ready to sit back up, BAM, my crossed leg balances me upright. I think I am going to market this to other babies, so shhhhhh . . don't share this info with any other babies!!
All of this talking and moving makes me hungry. I am eating three solid meals a day now. Mom has been fussing about whether I should start formula or not to supplement. The past week I have been waking up at night cause my tummy says FEED me. My fav is still breast milk, but sometimes I just can't get enough. Which, I don't mind, but Mama says is a little inconvenient at 1 am (and 3 am and 5 am.)
I had a terrible. NO GOOD, very bad, day about a month ago. I was eating yogurt and bananas when I started to get super itching ALL over. Then my eyes started swelling shut and I couldn't stop crying. Mama lost her mind! She called the doctor and when he asked her if I was breathing she said, "I don't know!" The doctor reminded her if I was screaming then I was breathing. So I screamed the whole way to the Rite Aid, just to make her feel better. Then in the Rite Aid she opened the benadryl in the aisle and started pouring it in my mouth. This made me scream even more. Eventually we made it to the doctor's and he said I was probably allergic to milk protein. Then I took the longest nap of my life, thanks to all that benadryl.
So, no more yogurt for me for now. I was reading on the other baby blogs and it seems like most babies outgrow these allergies by age one. I hope so, because as happy as ice cream makes my mom, I can't wait to try it!
The other medical update I have to share is that my surgery was rescheduled for October 29th. I hope Mom and Dad still let me go to my Halloween party.
Okay, I gotta go finish packing for my beach vacation. I have three swimsuits. my clogs and my shades. I think that is all I will need. Daddy says I am not allowed to wear my bikini if there are other boy babies around. I can't wait to build my first sand castle, try boogie boarding and play with my cousins. Talk to you when I get back!!