Nori now warmly greeted her Bobo with "Happy to see you Bobo," and fell asleep by herself for a few blessed days. BUT then she acquires croup (again) over the weekend, says good bye to her life long friend the dog Bella, and has ended up back in our bed every night around 1-2 am.
There are so many questions around sleep that I have. Do you work towards your overall goal or just make it through the day? Right now, it's working for all three of us to have her fall asleep on her own in the big girl bed with "big girl" bobo and then like clock work she wakes in the middle of the night to move to our bed.
And when I say she wakes, she wakes screaming bloody murder and kicks and fails her body until we lay with her in bed. Forget a stop at the bathroom for Mama to pee, no way, that would be more drama.
Is she inately so intense or did our sleep training (when she was younger) scar her?
Would we do things differently if we did it again with Nori? with the new baby?
I guess why these questions weigh so heavily on me is because I feel in some way it is a sign of a successful parent to have a independent sleeping child.
Why do I feel that way?
Why do I feel like the nights of the three of us sleeping happily together are a failure? She loves now to wrap her arms around one of our necks as she in sleeping. She keeps track of the other parent by feeling with her feet (ie kicking us) all night.
It is adorable. Why I am wanting her to grow up so badly- to be an independent sleeper? In some way it feels like it is a slipperly slope of requiring more of my time and space that I may be unable or unwilling? to give. I feel as a Mom I need to protect myself in some way from "losing it all" in the abominale pit of motherly duties.
So I pull back. I set boundaries. I lower my tolerance.
Today's scripture is when Jesus washed the disciples feet. He spoke of loving one another in a way that causes us to lay down our lives. I have drawn lines in "protection" of myself. Is crossing these lines what Jesus is asking of me?
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Bye Bye Bobo= Hello Disaster
A week ago today, I left work went home and casually said "Bye Bye Bobo," just as we had rehearsed. The months of conversations were had. I illustrated and published a book!, for goodness sake, all culminating in this very important step of saying good- bye to Nori's pacifier. Truly, I thought we had been prepared for this. We were doing the right thing.
Boy, was I wrong.
We have had 6 nights of 2-3 hour screaming, vomiting, climbing out of the crib, and good old body slamming protest. The funny thing is that she never asked for Bobo. A few times she said through her sobbing, "No more bobo. Nori is a big girl."
So we went on. Back and forth between crib and big girl bed. Eventually we had to fall asleep with her either in our bed or her big bed.
Did she want the big girl bed because she associated no more bobo with no more crib, ie. baby bed? We felt that two transitions were too much at once. And it was. She crawls right out of the big girl bed and down the hallway she goes.
She is so incredibly smart that I know she understands what we are saying and what she needs to do. But she can't(won't) fall asleep on her own. I think at first she tried to. Now it just seems like habit- as soon as it is bed time- her body switches over to full protest mode. She becomes an animal acting to protect herself.
Did we do "cry it out" too much when she was younger? Did she learn that she has to be violently upset to protect herself? Does she trust us? So many agonizing questions between our tears, and her literaly glass shattering cries that have filled our house for a week.
Oh, and there hasn't been one nap in a week either.
Mind you, for the past year of her life there has been only 2 days I can recall she hasn't napped. And no memory, not one, of her not falling asleep on her own. When she has had ear infections, she wakes up later in the night upset, but goes to bed fine.
So- what on earth have we done? to her? to us? to our peaceful lives? to sleep?!!
Oh, how I wish I could go back in time 7 days. But we would never have known.
So, we pressed on every night, thinking something would give.
And yesterday, it did. As I passed the Rite Aid, I pulled in. I walked in and spent 7 dollars for two new, sparkly, party print, Bobos. You would have thought I was making a drug deal. I felt out of control excited at the prospects this piece of plastic could bring to me. I felt guilty as though I should hide them. Yet, I just wanted to hold them in my hand and believe. Believe my life's rhythm would return.
With as high an energy kid as Nori is, we rely, we thrive off her steady sleep schedule.
And now with all that out of the window, I am humbled. I am at my end and the begining of true motherhood - the place of sacrifice, bewilderment, and heart break.
We gave Nori the new Bobo last night and explained we realized she wasn't ready to say bye yet. To be honest, I expected a miracle, for me to lay her in the crib and to pretend that the last week was simply a bad dream.
But she was out of the crib in 10 seconds, now that her protesting has taught her that skill. She ended up in the big girl bed. But there was progress in that I sat next to her as she fell asleep instead of laying with her.
Hopefully, we can fade this out. I am tired.
And once again, I am humbled in awe of how little I can control things and overwhelmed at this task of parenting.
Boy, was I wrong.
We have had 6 nights of 2-3 hour screaming, vomiting, climbing out of the crib, and good old body slamming protest. The funny thing is that she never asked for Bobo. A few times she said through her sobbing, "No more bobo. Nori is a big girl."
So we went on. Back and forth between crib and big girl bed. Eventually we had to fall asleep with her either in our bed or her big bed.
Did she want the big girl bed because she associated no more bobo with no more crib, ie. baby bed? We felt that two transitions were too much at once. And it was. She crawls right out of the big girl bed and down the hallway she goes.
She is so incredibly smart that I know she understands what we are saying and what she needs to do. But she can't(won't) fall asleep on her own. I think at first she tried to. Now it just seems like habit- as soon as it is bed time- her body switches over to full protest mode. She becomes an animal acting to protect herself.
Did we do "cry it out" too much when she was younger? Did she learn that she has to be violently upset to protect herself? Does she trust us? So many agonizing questions between our tears, and her literaly glass shattering cries that have filled our house for a week.
Oh, and there hasn't been one nap in a week either.
Mind you, for the past year of her life there has been only 2 days I can recall she hasn't napped. And no memory, not one, of her not falling asleep on her own. When she has had ear infections, she wakes up later in the night upset, but goes to bed fine.
So- what on earth have we done? to her? to us? to our peaceful lives? to sleep?!!
Oh, how I wish I could go back in time 7 days. But we would never have known.
So, we pressed on every night, thinking something would give.
And yesterday, it did. As I passed the Rite Aid, I pulled in. I walked in and spent 7 dollars for two new, sparkly, party print, Bobos. You would have thought I was making a drug deal. I felt out of control excited at the prospects this piece of plastic could bring to me. I felt guilty as though I should hide them. Yet, I just wanted to hold them in my hand and believe. Believe my life's rhythm would return.
With as high an energy kid as Nori is, we rely, we thrive off her steady sleep schedule.
And now with all that out of the window, I am humbled. I am at my end and the begining of true motherhood - the place of sacrifice, bewilderment, and heart break.
We gave Nori the new Bobo last night and explained we realized she wasn't ready to say bye yet. To be honest, I expected a miracle, for me to lay her in the crib and to pretend that the last week was simply a bad dream.
But she was out of the crib in 10 seconds, now that her protesting has taught her that skill. She ended up in the big girl bed. But there was progress in that I sat next to her as she fell asleep instead of laying with her.
Hopefully, we can fade this out. I am tired.
And once again, I am humbled in awe of how little I can control things and overwhelmed at this task of parenting.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
I am gonna be a big sister!
I can hardly wait. I love babies and taking care of them. I think Mommy's baby is stuck, it hasn't come out yet. I like to point out that Baby has TWO milks on Mommy's chest. I also like to tell other people where the baby will come out. Mommy and Daddy are getting my new room ready. I am so excited to sleep in a big girl bed. I also like to talk about how I am going to say "Bye Bye Bobo," because Bobos are for babies. I am not sure I am going to like that one.
Speaking of growing up, they are still trying to get me to use the potty, but I am not interested. Diapers are so much more convenient.
I like to say MINE to everything that I like. This doesn't go so well when I am playing with other kids my age. Mommy says she is sorry to the other Mommies a lot. Once I was saying MINE so much that another baby touched my face and I said "MY FACE." Mommy's instinct was to tell me, "share your body." Daddy got mad and said "NO- don't ever share your body." I think they are going to have some differences when I 'm a teenager!
One of my favorite sayings lately is "no home." I would much rather be on an adventure somewhere than at home. Every time I see a school bus, I want to get on. Mommy told me I have to go alone, because no mommies are allowed on the school bus. I told her it was because Mommies are too noisy.
I have had LOTS of ear infections this winter:( They make me wake up EARLY in the morning, like 4am. Mama is very grouchy and tells me that the sun is still sleeping. One morning I was even more grouchy than she was and just kept screaming at the sun to wake up. Mama says I am in charge of a lot of things, but not the sun.
Whenever I get an ouchie anywhere, I like to put the bandaid on my hand, then I can see it an it makes me feel better:) I go through about a box on bandaids a month.
Lately I have been taking my clothes on and off. Well, mainly off. It is harder to put them back on without getting stuck.
Yesterday when Mommy came into my room in the morning, I was completely naked. I was being very quiet and saying "shhhhh baby in mama's belly is sleeping."
Mommy laughed at me.
My other new saying is "soooooo happy to see you." when guests come over. And "thank you for coming," when they leave.
Oh- before I forget, I only have ONE more day with Bobo. Tomorrow is doomsday!! no more bobo????!! I will let you know next week how it went. I have a feeling I will figure out how to keep bobo.
Speaking of growing up, they are still trying to get me to use the potty, but I am not interested. Diapers are so much more convenient.
I like to say MINE to everything that I like. This doesn't go so well when I am playing with other kids my age. Mommy says she is sorry to the other Mommies a lot. Once I was saying MINE so much that another baby touched my face and I said "MY FACE." Mommy's instinct was to tell me, "share your body." Daddy got mad and said "NO- don't ever share your body." I think they are going to have some differences when I 'm a teenager!
One of my favorite sayings lately is "no home." I would much rather be on an adventure somewhere than at home. Every time I see a school bus, I want to get on. Mommy told me I have to go alone, because no mommies are allowed on the school bus. I told her it was because Mommies are too noisy.
I have had LOTS of ear infections this winter:( They make me wake up EARLY in the morning, like 4am. Mama is very grouchy and tells me that the sun is still sleeping. One morning I was even more grouchy than she was and just kept screaming at the sun to wake up. Mama says I am in charge of a lot of things, but not the sun.
Whenever I get an ouchie anywhere, I like to put the bandaid on my hand, then I can see it an it makes me feel better:) I go through about a box on bandaids a month.
Lately I have been taking my clothes on and off. Well, mainly off. It is harder to put them back on without getting stuck.
Yesterday when Mommy came into my room in the morning, I was completely naked. I was being very quiet and saying "shhhhh baby in mama's belly is sleeping."
Mommy laughed at me.
My other new saying is "soooooo happy to see you." when guests come over. And "thank you for coming," when they leave.
Oh- before I forget, I only have ONE more day with Bobo. Tomorrow is doomsday!! no more bobo????!! I will let you know next week how it went. I have a feeling I will figure out how to keep bobo.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
In TWO days I will be TWO
I can hardly wait. . . I LOVE birthdays and mine is coming soon. I have been singing "Happy Happy to meeeeee" for weeks now. Mama is trying to help me make "two" with my fingers, but I have a hard time holding the other fingers down.
Mama says I will be a BIG girl when I am two and not a baby anymore. For the most part I am happy to be a big girl, but I think there may be some challenges to growing up. For instance, they keep talking about saying "bye bye" to Bobo!! Bobo?! Really guys?! But I do notice that most kids my age don't have pacifiers anymore. Only babies do. And boy- do I LOVE babies. I have a couple of new ones I got for Christmas and Mama is right, it's a lot of work being a mommy. I have to change them, feed them, and hold their bobos in place. I also take them for walks with my new doll stroller.
Christmas was lots of fun. My favorite gifts were the stroller, hello kitty bandaids and big girl underwear. I think that is going require some growing up to- no more diapers?! I love to go potty at my friends' houses. Yesterday, during a birthday party, I snuck off the Porter's potty, pulled down my pants and went pee pee. Mama found me and laughed. But my own potty is not as exciting to me yet.
I got to play with my ALL my cousins over the holidays and it was so much fun. I learned the magic word "mine." It makes me feel so powerful. Mama says that the magic word is "please." But I think that is kind of boring. I also had a blast looking at LOTS of christmas lights, making a gingerbread house, and opening presents!!
I continue to take on the world full force. I don't have any separation anxiety anymore. Except for church. For some reason, I HATE playing with the kids in the nursery. So I get to stay with Mom and Dad in the sanctuary.
I have also learned to cuddle more. I love snuggling up and reading books with mom and dad with the blankets piled high.
I also feel like I understand concepts more and more. I am learning about "sorry" and how to wait for something. The other day, Mama stopped suddenly in the car and said "Sorry Nori" and I said, "Sorry groceries" to all the bags that were rolling around in the back. Mama couldn't stop laughing. In fact,almost everyday I see her laughing at me.
She can't talk about me in front of me anymore because I totally get what's going on. They started spelling a lot, but they forget- I'm two!! My brain has so many more synapses than theirs combined- I will have them figured out in no time.
Speaking of brains, they are trying to teach me colors, numbers and letters, but I am not so interested. I figure I have the rest of my life to do that boring stuff. I am saving all my energy for PLAYING which I love to do. I like cooking with Mama in the kitchen(wearing my apron), climbing, rearranging, pretending, and most recently coloring!! Mama said that her Christmas cookies were a little crunchy this year because of all the egg shells I put in.
I don't discriminate with toys- I like them all. Trucks (especially dump trucks), doll babies, trains, and my new kitchen set.I also rode on a real Choo Choo train over Christmas! Wow! I loved it.
I like eating more over the past month. Especially because Mama and Daddy are eating with me usually. My favorite part is saying AMEN! and holding hands.
Before I go, I have to tell you about the most MAGICAL discovery I have made in the past month- television! Daddy lets me watch Elmo on Youtube in the morning when he does my hair. Mama is usually out jogging and as soon as she comes home we put it away so she'll never know. Daddy calls it the "Elmo Spa" because I get to wear my robe and get my hair and nails done.
Well, gotta go. Bye bye to the baby days and hello to being a 2 year old!!
Mama says I will be a BIG girl when I am two and not a baby anymore. For the most part I am happy to be a big girl, but I think there may be some challenges to growing up. For instance, they keep talking about saying "bye bye" to Bobo!! Bobo?! Really guys?! But I do notice that most kids my age don't have pacifiers anymore. Only babies do. And boy- do I LOVE babies. I have a couple of new ones I got for Christmas and Mama is right, it's a lot of work being a mommy. I have to change them, feed them, and hold their bobos in place. I also take them for walks with my new doll stroller.
Christmas was lots of fun. My favorite gifts were the stroller, hello kitty bandaids and big girl underwear. I think that is going require some growing up to- no more diapers?! I love to go potty at my friends' houses. Yesterday, during a birthday party, I snuck off the Porter's potty, pulled down my pants and went pee pee. Mama found me and laughed. But my own potty is not as exciting to me yet.
I got to play with my ALL my cousins over the holidays and it was so much fun. I learned the magic word "mine." It makes me feel so powerful. Mama says that the magic word is "please." But I think that is kind of boring. I also had a blast looking at LOTS of christmas lights, making a gingerbread house, and opening presents!!
I continue to take on the world full force. I don't have any separation anxiety anymore. Except for church. For some reason, I HATE playing with the kids in the nursery. So I get to stay with Mom and Dad in the sanctuary.
I have also learned to cuddle more. I love snuggling up and reading books with mom and dad with the blankets piled high.
I also feel like I understand concepts more and more. I am learning about "sorry" and how to wait for something. The other day, Mama stopped suddenly in the car and said "Sorry Nori" and I said, "Sorry groceries" to all the bags that were rolling around in the back. Mama couldn't stop laughing. In fact,almost everyday I see her laughing at me.
She can't talk about me in front of me anymore because I totally get what's going on. They started spelling a lot, but they forget- I'm two!! My brain has so many more synapses than theirs combined- I will have them figured out in no time.
Speaking of brains, they are trying to teach me colors, numbers and letters, but I am not so interested. I figure I have the rest of my life to do that boring stuff. I am saving all my energy for PLAYING which I love to do. I like cooking with Mama in the kitchen(wearing my apron), climbing, rearranging, pretending, and most recently coloring!! Mama said that her Christmas cookies were a little crunchy this year because of all the egg shells I put in.
I don't discriminate with toys- I like them all. Trucks (especially dump trucks), doll babies, trains, and my new kitchen set.I also rode on a real Choo Choo train over Christmas! Wow! I loved it.
I like eating more over the past month. Especially because Mama and Daddy are eating with me usually. My favorite part is saying AMEN! and holding hands.
Before I go, I have to tell you about the most MAGICAL discovery I have made in the past month- television! Daddy lets me watch Elmo on Youtube in the morning when he does my hair. Mama is usually out jogging and as soon as she comes home we put it away so she'll never know. Daddy calls it the "Elmo Spa" because I get to wear my robe and get my hair and nails done.
Well, gotta go. Bye bye to the baby days and hello to being a 2 year old!!
Friday, December 30, 2011
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