Right around when Nori was three months old, and I was a three month old mother, I officially started to feel like a parent. Fully out of the postpartum period, I started to fall in love with her in a new way.
First of all, she is so much more fun- laughing, talking, and looking at me with the most adoring eyes.
Secondly she started sleeping a lot less at night!! When we transitioned her from the bassinet to the crib she started waking more often. We realized just how spoiled we were for the first three months! I was baptized with the "mother fog" of walking around like a zombie. To add to that, we started her "sleep training." This has involved attempts at "crying it out." This was so hard for me and short lived. We have only tried it a few times and once I had to go to the basement, turn the washer on and talk to Pete on the phone . . . and I was still crying along with her. Working on her sleep training has set up this new paradigm of "how did she do?" For the first time we are judging her performance. I am struck by my praise of her when she sleeps well. Will I love her more when she performs better (ie getting good grades)? I also felt a deeper love when we were both sleepless, a love that was deeper through hardship.
Pete and I were watching "Where the wild things are" last night. Wow! It so beautifully captures the struggle of childhood- wanting to be a kid and grown up at the same time. It made me want to love and accept Nori regardless of how she does or doesn't fit into societal norms and to protect and nourish her imagination and personality.
Another landmark of parenting was leaving Nori with a friend all day when I started back to work on Thursdays. It was definitely harder to leave her than when she is with Pete on Mondays. Just when I began to trust and feel confident in this decision, she told us that she can no longer watch her! Several other friends are helping out until she starts daycare this summer. But this process of entrusting her to others' care is challenging and I imagine just the beginning of a lifelong process.
In fact, all of these new parent experiences- discipline with sleep training, sacrifice of our sleep, trusting others, and deeper love- are just the beginning of being parents for the rest of our lives!
Friday, April 30, 2010
First trip to NYC
We had so much fun meeting new friends, Chloe and London in Queens. . . besides the meltdown on the Verrazona bridge on the way there!
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Full Circle
Last year at this time was a beautiful and hard season for me. We had been trying to get pregnant for awhile and the fertility of spring was so incredibly hopeful to me. I remember considering the blossoms and how their fleeting beauty offered the chance for reproduction for such a short time. In that amazement and prayerful surrender, my body was reset by the earth to offer an egg that at just the right moment and with just the right sperm created life. Reading my journal from last year has been neat. One entry was pondering all the petals in the streets that were washing down the gutters. I was writing how there are so many petals that don't go on to make another life, yet their "glory" of being a flower is not in vain. That there are many "eggs" that are not meant to make a life. Another entry was how when I returned from a jog and saw the pink dogwood in front of our house - my thought was how the tree was like pink balloons from the porch announcing "It's a girl." Little did I know that this January we would hang those balloons with such humbleness at our answered prayer.
This spring is even more amazing to realize all that one year can bring about. Next week is the date that we conceived last year. Then to carry the quiet hope of her life that became more and more sure and real until she was actually born. And still in the same year to experience her first three months of life, to have our hearts placed "outside of our bodies" in this cooing beautiful, innocent, tender life that we hold and are fully responsible for. A year ago we didn't even know of her existence, to begin smaller than the period on this page, and now she is the living and breathing proof of the divine.
My heart is one big song of praise. How in awe I am of nature! of timing, of all the life that is born and dies and all the fleeting beauty of flowers that never go on to make life.
Next week we are going to plant a tree in the garden to honor Nori's life and to thank God, to thank nature, that our bodies could be part of this wonderful, inexplicable cycle of reproduction. We are going to put her placenta (that is still in the freezer) under the tree, to give back to the earth. It reminds me that she is not ours, but God's and is a part of this incredible world.
This spring is even more amazing to realize all that one year can bring about. Next week is the date that we conceived last year. Then to carry the quiet hope of her life that became more and more sure and real until she was actually born. And still in the same year to experience her first three months of life, to have our hearts placed "outside of our bodies" in this cooing beautiful, innocent, tender life that we hold and are fully responsible for. A year ago we didn't even know of her existence, to begin smaller than the period on this page, and now she is the living and breathing proof of the divine.
My heart is one big song of praise. How in awe I am of nature! of timing, of all the life that is born and dies and all the fleeting beauty of flowers that never go on to make life.
Next week we are going to plant a tree in the garden to honor Nori's life and to thank God, to thank nature, that our bodies could be part of this wonderful, inexplicable cycle of reproduction. We are going to put her placenta (that is still in the freezer) under the tree, to give back to the earth. It reminds me that she is not ours, but God's and is a part of this incredible world.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
I'm 3 months old!
Wow, I can't believe I did it- I am three months old! To celebrate my birthday Mommy and Daddy and I went for a picnic at the azalea garden near the art museum. We sat under a tree with big pink blossoms that kept falling down on us like confetti. I guess the trees were celebrating my three month bday too!
It has been a VERY busy month, I have done a lot of growing up. I started taking a bath every night which I love. I especially love splashing around and getting Daddy all wet. Around nine weeks I started sleeping in my own room! Although I haven't slept in my crib yet, mom and dad think I need to stay in the bassinet a little longer. I am also getting good at napping during the day.
With the change of weather, my fashion has improved greatly. Now I can wear all my cute dresses, shoes and hats. In fact, I had three Easter dresses! I have been going on lots of stroller rides, which is fun. On Mommy's birthday, Bella, Mommy and I went on a BIG walk and saw lots of fun things like birds, flowers and my first butterfly. I also had my first real babysitter on Mommy's birthday, my Auntie DD and I had lots of fun. I really like playing now- talking to my stuffed animal friends and to anyone else that wants to listen.
Just this week, I started to feel my first tooth! Mom and Dad say I am an overachiever, but I am getting bored with breastmilk, so I think some teeth may encourage them to give me something more exciting to eat. They always eat all different foods in front of me and I can't wait to try them, especially ice cream. Mommy gets all happy and smiles a lot when she eats ice cream, so it must be some good stuff.
I had a great Easter at my Aunt Megan's in Virginia. I showed off my fashion and got to look for Easter eggs with my big cousins. Pretty soon Aunt Megan is going to have another baby, then I won't be the youngest.
Mommy and I go to the garden a couple times a week. There is so much to see there. I watch Mom plant and water the garden. Sometimes the train comes by and it is very fast and glittery. She lets me smell all the different smells like mint, garlic and the flowers.
I really love laughing too. The more Daddy laughs, the more it makes me laugh. He posted a video of me laughing on his facebook page!
It has been a VERY busy month, I have done a lot of growing up. I started taking a bath every night which I love. I especially love splashing around and getting Daddy all wet. Around nine weeks I started sleeping in my own room! Although I haven't slept in my crib yet, mom and dad think I need to stay in the bassinet a little longer. I am also getting good at napping during the day.
With the change of weather, my fashion has improved greatly. Now I can wear all my cute dresses, shoes and hats. In fact, I had three Easter dresses! I have been going on lots of stroller rides, which is fun. On Mommy's birthday, Bella, Mommy and I went on a BIG walk and saw lots of fun things like birds, flowers and my first butterfly. I also had my first real babysitter on Mommy's birthday, my Auntie DD and I had lots of fun. I really like playing now- talking to my stuffed animal friends and to anyone else that wants to listen.
Just this week, I started to feel my first tooth! Mom and Dad say I am an overachiever, but I am getting bored with breastmilk, so I think some teeth may encourage them to give me something more exciting to eat. They always eat all different foods in front of me and I can't wait to try them, especially ice cream. Mommy gets all happy and smiles a lot when she eats ice cream, so it must be some good stuff.
I had a great Easter at my Aunt Megan's in Virginia. I showed off my fashion and got to look for Easter eggs with my big cousins. Pretty soon Aunt Megan is going to have another baby, then I won't be the youngest.
Mommy and I go to the garden a couple times a week. There is so much to see there. I watch Mom plant and water the garden. Sometimes the train comes by and it is very fast and glittery. She lets me smell all the different smells like mint, garlic and the flowers.
I really love laughing too. The more Daddy laughs, the more it makes me laugh. He posted a video of me laughing on his facebook page!
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