Parenthood

Right around when Nori was three months old, and I was a three month old mother, I officially started to feel like a parent. Fully out of the postpartum period, I started to fall in love with her in a new way.
First of all, she is so much more fun- laughing, talking, and looking at me with the most adoring eyes.
Secondly she started sleeping a lot less at night!! When we transitioned her from the bassinet to the crib she started waking more often. We realized just how spoiled we were for the first three months! I was baptized with the "mother fog" of walking around like a zombie. To add to that, we started her "sleep training." This has involved attempts at "crying it out." This was so hard for me and short lived. We have only tried it a few times and once I had to go to the basement, turn the washer on and talk to Pete on the phone . . . and I was still crying along with her. Working on her sleep training has set up this new paradigm of "how did she do?" For the first time we are judging her performance. I am struck by my praise of her when she sleeps well. Will I love her more when she performs better (ie getting good grades)? I also felt a deeper love when we were both sleepless, a love that was deeper through hardship.

Pete and I were watching "Where the wild things are" last night. Wow! It so beautifully captures the struggle of childhood- wanting to be a kid and grown up at the same time. It made me want to love and accept Nori regardless of how she does or doesn't fit into societal norms and to protect and nourish her imagination and personality.
Another landmark of parenting was leaving Nori with a friend all day when I started back to work on Thursdays. It was definitely harder to leave her than when she is with Pete on Mondays. Just when I began to trust and feel confident in this decision, she told us that she can no longer watch her! Several other friends are helping out until she starts daycare this summer. But this process of entrusting her to others' care is challenging and I imagine just the beginning of a lifelong process.
In fact, all of these new parent experiences- discipline with sleep training, sacrifice of our sleep, trusting others, and deeper love- are just the beginning of being parents for the rest of our lives!