Happy to see you Bobo!

Nori now warmly greeted her Bobo with "Happy to see you Bobo," and fell asleep by herself for a few blessed days. BUT then she acquires croup (again) over the weekend, says good bye to her life long friend the dog Bella, and has ended up back in our bed every night around 1-2 am.
There are so many questions around sleep that I have. Do you work towards your overall goal or just make it through the day? Right now, it's working for all three of us to have her fall asleep on her own in the big girl bed with "big girl" bobo and then like clock work she wakes in the middle of the night to move to our bed.
And when I say she wakes, she wakes screaming bloody murder and kicks and fails her body until we lay with her in bed. Forget a stop at the bathroom for Mama to pee, no way, that would be more drama.
Is she inately so intense or did our sleep training (when she was younger) scar her?
Would we do things differently if we did it again with Nori? with the new baby?
I guess why these questions weigh so heavily on me is because I feel in some way it is a sign of a successful parent to have a independent sleeping child.
Why do I feel that way?
Why do I feel like the nights of the three of us sleeping happily together are a failure? She loves now to wrap her arms around one of our necks as she in sleeping. She keeps track of the other parent by feeling with her feet (ie kicking us) all night.
It is adorable. Why I am wanting her to grow up so badly- to be an independent sleeper? In some way it feels like it is a slipperly slope of requiring more of my time and space that I may be unable or unwilling? to give. I feel as a Mom I need to protect myself in some way from "losing it all" in the abominale pit of motherly duties.
So I pull back. I set boundaries. I lower my tolerance.
Today's scripture is when Jesus washed the disciples feet. He spoke of loving one another in a way that causes us to lay down our lives. I have drawn lines in "protection" of myself. Is crossing these lines what Jesus is asking of me?