The push and the pull

A friend recently admonished me to enjoy "the fall." Today was the unofficial first day of the fall. It was sunny, crispy, brilliant and crunchy under our feet. Tonight I fall inward, first bath, first cups of tea, and the settling that the fall is. I can't help but to delight in being a part of the fall and imagine all those that are in "the fall" together. I have also been thinking of movement in another way this week, the pulls and pushes of love. More specifically of parenting, but with Pete too. Miriam is in love with her Daddy right now. And while I know she loves me, it is strange and worth pondering being the less preferred parent. The lack of her pulling me in causes me to push towards her more. A wave of slight hurt crashes here and there. The tasks of parenting consume my hands and time but my heart is bent a little more this week towards her, to seeking her out. Whereas her infancy usually is seeking me to fill her needs. On the other hand, there have been countless times I am pulling away from Nori. Her desire for me has seemed bottomless most days since she was born. I sure this is partly being a new parent and fearing losing myself. But regardless I have pulled and compartmentalized away from her in a million small ways for most of her little life. This week after watching my sister "check" on her kids after they fall asleep, I have begun to do the same. I never dreamed of going in to her room willingly after she was alseep. But it is quite beautiful to put my love forward without it being demanded. To shine my heart forth. This is a saying from yoga that this week has resonanted in me as I care for the girls. Parenting, like any loving,ie spouse, is full of the routines, the tasks of food, play, talking, learning. Yet there is this movement in any relationship either pulling towards or away. As we enjoy the fall, may my heart shine forth intentionally and willingly to love and embrace the beautiful gift my children are to me.